Thursday, December 5, 2013

almighty

"Blessed is he who reads and those who hear... For the time is near."(Rev.1:3) "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Begining and the End," says The Lord, "Who is and was and who is to come, the almighty." (Rev.1:8) There are certain verses in the Bible you just sing mentally, right? Half of the psalms and this line. I grew up on this line, that is how my childhood can be amounted to: random alternating beach and Disneyland trips, the old songs of the gospel choir and the country music of Garth brooks, willie Nelson and the Dixie chicks.  I knew the Lords Prayer by the time I was in either kindergarten or first grade. Love going to my grandmas church on Easter because men and women white choir robes with golden stitched crosses, coordinating bells would sing The Lord of The Dance. An old best friend of mine once told me if she didn't know would have thought my life was plucked from one of Norman Rockwell's paintings. The problem was none of that helped me because I didn't know a thing about God, I didn't know Jesus at all. And so when things went wrong in my life Satan used my ignorance to get me to blame my Lord. At the time I didn't think think oppression was real, that demons were just stories my father would tell me to keep me from lying. I was a girl who could quote lines for days but would feel nothing and didn't even own a Bible. That is not faith it is an obligation, a chore my parents had inflicted onto me. And don't get me wrong in many ways I am so grateful for being raised in a Christian home, my life was and wasn't extremely blessed but it could have been a lot worse. It is just that God is bringing me back things of my past for reasons He has yet to enlighten me of. But one thing God has really showed me is that I truly believed I was saved, I knew, it was a self-evident fact that I was going to Heaven when I died. But I never openly or internally said I believed in Jesus as I do now. I was perfectly fine not reading the Bible, not knowing a thing about the the God of the universe. It was like the pop Urban II had offered me plenary indulgence, I could be as evil as I wanted say I'm sorry and be forgiven. Forgiveness doesn't work like that, repentance requires that you are openly aware of your sin, see the need to change and ache for that change. It is always just to awesome when I read my Bible now, or talk to God. I can hear Him everywhere and I never had that before. I can feel Him, love the feeling I get when I'm doing something and there's this pounding inside my chest telling me to open my Bible, talk to that person or just say Yes God? 

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