Tuesday, November 19, 2013

outspoken but silent

"There settle it in your hearts not to meditate beforehand on what you will answer; for I will give you a mouth and wisdom which all you adversaries will not be able to contradict or resist." Luke 21:14-15 

It has been hard to be outspoken about Jesus. Difficult to break myself out of my comfort zone for I don't really know how to speak to people in general let alone tell them of Jesus. It's that Satan is constantly hardened my heart against what God keeps pushing my feet to do. Making me feel as the words I say will be the wrong ones, making my brain tell me I don't have the strength or wisdom to walk up to a random stranger and tell them of Jesus. Even now as I sit in Starbucks reading His Word there sits across the room from me a Jehovah's Witness reading his newspaper. And I have this gnawing inside me to get up and talk to him to share with him the Jesus he is overlooking. Is my faith that broken? Should I not be as Philip who ran to the bidding of God? How is it that I have this ache inside to share Jesus with the world, with every single person I see and yet don't. Is it God telling me I'm still being prepared or Satan mangling my thoughts to make me believe I'm not good or strong enough to walk over to the man in a suit and tie. God grant me mercy, solace, if I am being self-centered show me however you see fit. Break me, humble me Lord  for I do everything in the name of your Grace. Show me my faults, my trespasses, the things that I believe to be too little to repent for. I am incapable of understanding your wisdom, your parables require me to read them three times before I am knowing. I am weak and prideful to have believed I could understand the meaning of your grand design. I beg of you Lord teach me. Show the world of your unbounding love. Stretch your hand across Your universe and sooth those dying of famine, fill the hopeless who stand in the wreckage of the Philippines with Your strength because we are weak, sinners, distraught with crying hearts and empty voids inside of us. Show us how to love those who have hurt us so cruelly so that we may forgive the grudge we hold. It is through your Son that we find solace, through Your words we find clarity and strength. If Jehovah Witnesses can have faith in half-truths and lies how is it that my faith seems weaker than theirs. Will I get to Paradise only to hear Your Son say he's never known me? Break apart my attachments to this world use me however you will, my feet are yours to move.  

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